Yikes!

So, I made the mistake of looking at my calendar for next week. I have 23 meetings - 23 meetings! - scheduled for next week, including eight on Monday alone. That is insane.

Here is the breakdown:

Shortest meeting: 15 minutes
Longest meeting: 1.5 hours
Slowest day: Wednesday, with only 3 meetings
Most meetings on a single topic: 5 (over the course of a week)
Best appointment on my schedule: a post-sales conference celebratory luncheon on Thursday
Worst appointment on my schedule: um, no comment...

And I am expected to get work done? I'm scared.

On being happy.

Yesterday was not one of my finest days. Daycare was closed so the kids were home, we were having our new furnace installed, and I was trying to manage a nonstop barrage of work emails in between reading Thomas books, playing Elefun and trying to entertain an unhappy little Elijah.

Needless to say, I was stressed. And this fact was confirmed when someone mentioned to me that I seemed to be in a grumpy mood.

That comment really made me think. There is so much in my life that I cannot control. Things aren't always what I wish they could be. I get annoyed. My feelings get hurt.

I have a choice. I can either let these thoughts drive me crazy, or I can focus on what makes me happy. It's the difference between looking at the cup as being half-full vs. half-empty. The difference between appreciating the way things are vs. focusing on what they could be.

So, I spent some time thinking about my day in an optimistic light. Yes, I had to be up at 5:30 to catch a train, but at least baby Elijah slept until 6:00 (for the first time in months!). And I had to spend 6 hours on a train, but at least it was comfortable, and gave me time to catch up on work and my reading. And I didn't get home until after 7:00, but at least I made it home before bedtime and was greeted with hugs and wet toddler kisses.

I am so lucky. I have people in my life who I love, and people who love me. I have a job where I am happy and busy and people respect me. I have a fantastic family and friends, and two little boys who mean everything to me.

I need to focus on the things that make my life full, to better appreciate my little world.

Self improvement.

Ever since Harrison was born, I have felt like my life has been in a holding pattern. Don't get me wrong - between my job, family, friends, and the dogs, things were pretty crazy even before adding children into the mix. But having Harrison (and Elijah) made me re-examine my priorities.

My family? The most important thing in my life. My job? Also very important - although I hate being away from the boys, I would also hate not having a paycheck. My friends? Even though I don't get to see them as much as I used to, I still love them. The pups? They're still around, and they still like me to pet them and play with them once in awhile.

Something had to give - and I felt like that something was me. My days have fallen into a routine: wake up, get ready for work, get the boys up, get Elijah fed and dressed, get the boys out the door and dropped off at daycare, drive to work, work, eat lunch at my desk, work some more, drive home, cook dinner, feed Elijah, eat dinner, clean kitchen, play with boys, get boys ready for bed, read Harrison a book, get Harrison a glass of water, put Harrison to bed, feed Elijah, change Elijah, put Elijah to bed, get bags packed, lunches made, coffee ready, watch some TV, fall into bed. If I'm lucky, Elijah will wake up once during the night. If I'm not, Elijah will wake up four times. It's like treading water.

My free time is non-existant. But I realized that I need to make some time for myself, or I am going to go crazy. So I'm working on making some positive - if small - changes in my life. For example:

* Until recently, I was lucky to make it through the latest issue of Parenting magazine. Now I have been turning off the computer and taking the time to - gasp! - open a book and read, I'm currently in the middle of "The Devil in the White City," a historical account of the World's Fair. And I am loving it.

* Having two kids in two years meant that most of the new clothes in my closet are maternity clothes. So I have been buying a few new pieces for my wardrobe. And it feels great.

* Hubby and I have been doing things and going places - without the kids. In the past month, we went to a party at a friend's house and went to a local bar to hear a band play. Both times, kids were not invited, we had a couple of drinks - and it was fun.

* And I have been working out every other day. Do I wish that I could devote more time to getting back into shape? Of course. But this is a good first step.

Don't get me wrong - being a mom is my number-one priority. But it is so easy to lose yourself in the process. Taking the time to take care of myself has been awesome. And spending a few minutes a day doing something for myself has not caused my world to fall apart.

Now I just need to try and stick with it...

Hmmm.....

Lately I have been feeling a bit... off. I can't explain it - I don't feel sad, but I just don't feel like myself. I'm going through all the usual day-to-day activities, but something just feels different.

(Okay, I re-read the paragraph above and realized that I sound like the voiceover in one of those anti-depressant commercials. I am not depressed. And no, I am definitely not pregnant!)

Maybe it's the change of seasons. Or the transition from one big project to another at work. Or the fact that I have had exactly one decent night sleep since August.

Too much on my mind, I guess. I'm definitely guilty of worrying too much about everything. And over-thinking everything.

I think that I need to go shopping. Forget my worries and focus on sweaters and shoes. Retail therapy solves everything, right?

An open letter (or eight).

Dear elderly driver - Thanks for driving 25 mph in a 40 mph zone at 8:30 on a weekday morning. I didn't want to get to work on time anyway.

Dear coworker - Thanks for using the one room in the entire building with no windows and a lock on the door to make your personal phone calls. I'll just come back and pump breastmilk to feed my baby later, okay?

Dear Greg Gutfeld - Thanks for making "Red Eye" the most enjoyable television program airing at 3:00 am. Now I have something to watch every night while feeding my six-month-old who no longer wants to sleep through the night.

Dear immune system - Thanks for the cold. Now I have something to keep me company on my drive to and from New Jersey on Saturday.

Dear Town of Clifton Park - Thanks for starting road construction during the middle of morning rush hour. Gives me time to enjoy seeing my taxpayer dollars at work.

Dear person who coined the phrase "no use crying over spilled milk" - Thanks for that gem. Obviously, you have never accidentally knocked over a full bottle of pumped breastmilk.

Dear Facebook - Thanks for the fun, but my relationship with Twitter is much more fulfilling. It's not me, it's you.

Dear Asher Roth - Thanks for writing the song, "I Love College." Now I miss college... and I feel old.

Week-end update.

First week back to work following our "staycation" - and what a hectic week it was! Some highlights:

*We celebrated back to school week with a little party on Tuesday night. Cake, candles, and a custom-made "happy back to school" song. Made the transition back into our normal routine just a bit easier.

*In other Harrison news, we are on Day 3 with no paci. We weren't planning on cutting him off cold turkey, but it just happened. He is doing okay without it, especially since the "paci fairy" brought him cars and some money to buy a train in exchange for the paci.

*Elijah is doing awesome (he just agreed with me by spitting up in my lap). He has been babbling up a storm and rolling around like a madman! His favorite activities include spending time in the exersaucer and playing with my hair.

*Things baby Elijah doesn't love? Sleeping through the night. I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks, maybe months. And bottles. (At least today, when he decided to starve himself at school.)

*Speaking of school, Harrison came home today and told us how he watched videos at school. Great. I spend $200/week for him to watch videos. If I wanted the TV to babysit him, he could stay home with Ari and we could subscribe to Netflix.

*Even though it was rough going back to work, I am fortunate to have a job that, for the most part, I love. My coworkers are hysterical - and some of them don't even know it. Add a steady stream of entertaining emails to the mix and my days fly by!

On deck for the weekend? Cleaning tonight, in preparation for company next weekend. Great Escape tomorrow (hoping for a quiet day). And picking up a new jersey for Harrison to wear on Sunday - go GMEN!

What are your plans for the weekend?

Help!

Since September is finally here, I guess that it is okay to start talking about Halloween costumes.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked Harrison what he wanted to be for Halloween. "A fish," he said.

Awesome! My mom already bought Elijah a little inchworm costume and at least the two costumes would coordinate. And a fish costume should be easy to find, right?

Wrong. With the exception of a Nemo costume on DisneyShopping.com, I haven't been able to find a single fish costume out there (and I have been to every corner of the Internet). It's not that I have anything against character costumes, but I would rather have a more generic, cute fish costume.

I have already tried to get Harrison to change his mind by tempting him with dinosaur, shark and spider costumes - no dice. He still wants to be a fish.

Any ideas?